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Bullying Prevention Begins With You

Sherri Gordon — Sat, 31 May 2014 00:58:15 +0000

When people think of bullying, they first think of an educator’s role in bullying prevention. But bullying is not just a school issue. It is an issue that faces the entire community. And parents play a key role in preventing and responding to bullying.

In fact, quality bullying prevention programs always begin at home. Because when parents are involved at the ground level, school personnel and other community members can build on what has already been established.

But many parents struggle with knowing where to begin. Here are the top four things parents can do to prevent bullying in their child’s life.

LEARN ABOUT BULLYING

What Is Bullying? 3 Key Components

7 Surprising Things Parents Don't Know About Bullying But Should

10 Common Myths and Misconceptions About Bullying

INSTILL BULLYING PREVENTION SKILLS

5 Reminders for Teens About Selfies and Cyberbullying

13 Ways to Build Resiliency and Prevent Bullying

8 Skills Kids Need to Avoid Bullies at School

KEEP ABREAST OF TECHNOLOGY AND CYBERBULLYING

What Is "Catfishing" and How Does It Relate to Cyberbullying?

10 Ways to Prevent Catfishing

What Parents Need to Know About the Yik Yak App

MONITOR FRIENDSHIPS AND OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

8 Signs of Fake Friends

Is Your Child's Friend a Bully?

7 Characteristics of a Bully-Proof Friendship

6 Signs Your Friend Is Controlling (And a Bully)

For more information on bullying, visit Bullying on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and on Twitter.

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto

Are Selfies a Good Thing?

Sherri Gordon — Wed, 30 Apr 2014 16:04:04 +0000

There has been a lot written about the concept of selfies – the smartphone self-portrait that has become a means of self-expression for teens. Some people worry that it is creating self-centered teens while others say it empowers young girls to learn to appreciate how they look.

Meanwhile, research shows that 65 % of teenage girls said seeing their selfies on social media actually boosts their confidence. And, 40 % of all teens say social media helps “me present my best face to the world," according to the Today/AOL Ideal to Real body image survey.

To adults, selfies might seem silly or unimportant, maybe even a little self-centered, but according to social scientists they are extremely helpful because they provide teens with a way to control the image they want to show the world. And this type of control can be very empowering for young people. Psychologists call the phenomenon self-efficacy, which is the idea that you can control your world.

But this is where it gets tricky. Sure teens have control over what the image looks like and they can control the message they want to send, but once the photo is posted using social media, the teen then loses all control over how that image is used from there. They cannot control how others might use it. And unfortunately sharing selfies online often can open the door to cyberbullying.

But one company hopes to make a dent in cyberbullying though by creating an app that restricts bullying opportunities while still allowing young people to express themselves through photos. Developers of the app Shots have created a social media tool that allows teens to share selfies without the drama that cyberbullying causes. The goal is to provide a place where positive communication is encouraged.

To learn more about the app and how it addresses bullying check out: 5 Ways the Shots App Is Designed to Reduce Bullying. You also may find 5 Types of Cyberbullies and 7 Surprising Things Parents Don't Know About Bullying But Should helpful as well.

For more information on bullying, visit Bullying on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and on Twitter.

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto

Schools Under Fire for Not Addressing Bullying

Sherri Gordon — Wed, 30 Apr 2014 14:38:11 +0000

Recently, I have received a number of calls regarding school bullying. In general, parents are frustrated with the way in which schools are handling bullying situations. But it’s not just parents in Ohio that are upset.

For instance, in March, a teacher in Georgia resigned after reports that she repeatedly ignored a 7-year-old’s complaints of bullying. The report states that instead of making referrals, documenting the bullying and notifying parents, as required by state law and district policy, the first-grade teacher told the girl to stop tattling. According to the parents, their daughter was shoved to the ground by the bully, called names, and hit in the chest several times causing welts to appear.

Meanwhile, in Las Vegas two sets of parents are suing the school district indicating that their sons’ school has failed to address bullying to the point that one of the boys has considered suicide. Their lawsuit comes shortly after another student at the school, Hailee Joy Lamberth, committed suicide and left behind a note indicating that her decision to end her life was related to the bullying she experienced.

The parents have said that the lawsuit isn’t about money, but about holding the school district accountable because they failed to adequately protect students from bullying. They feel the district fails to respond quickly and appropriately to bullying allegations.

When it comes to issues like bullying, teachers and administrators need to find a balance between meeting academic goals and ensuring their school has an environment that promotes learning. Doing so would not only improve school climate but also empower students who are being targeted by bullies.

Unfortunately though, some teachers don’t want to be bothered with bullying, so they ignore it. Meanwhile, school administrators sidestep their responsibilities to investigate bullying, don’t adequately address complaints or fail to discipline bullies all together.

But bullying is not an issue that can or should be ignored, especially physical bullying, prejudicial bullying and cyberbullying. And schools run the risk of litigation if they don’t adhere to state laws regarding bullying.

For more information on school bullying, including a school’s responsibility when it comes to bullying check out:

For more information on bullying, visit Bullying on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and on Twitter.

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto

Victim Blaming Still Prevalent in Bullying Incidents

Sherri Gordon — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 02:07:50 +0000

I read and write about bullying every day, and yet I continue to be amazed by what victims and their families experience. For instance, I read an article earlier this month about a boy who was bullied because he carried a “My Little Pony” lunchbox to school. This fact was not the alarming part. Kids are frequently bullied for being different. But what shocked me was the school’s response.

They told the boy to stop carrying the lunchbox to school so the kids would stop bullying him. While there are lots of ways for schools to support a victim of bullying, this is not one of them. Instead, this is a classic example of victim blaming. The school, in essence, was saying if the boy didn’t want to be bullied, then he needed to change. Telling him not to bring the lunchbox also communicates that he brought the bullying on himself for being different.

What happened to embracing people’s differences and allowing them to be who they are? And what happened to holding the bullies responsible for their choice to bully?

If your child has been bullied there are a number of ways to help him overcome the bullying and move on. Check out 8 Things Victims of Bullying Should Never Do, 7-Step Plan for Standing Up to Bullying, 10 Steps to Take When Your Child Is Bullied and 6 Things to Say to Your Kids When They Are Bullied.

And, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Even though your child is the one being bullied, bullying takes a toll on the entire family. In fact, in an article I read this week, a father said he vomited after reading all the things cyberbullies had written about his daughter’s friend.

Meanwhile, a mother confessed that she became suicidal because of the bullying her child endured. So be sure to take care of you too. Parents need tools for coping with bullying as much as kids do.

For more information on bullying, visit Bullying on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and on Twitter.

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto

Bullying in College a Growing Issue

Sherri Gordon — Wed, 26 Mar 2014 04:40:38 +0000

An article in the Canadian press indicated recently that while cyberbullies are growing up, they are not changing. In fact, according to a team of researchers at Simon Frasier University, cyberbullying is carrying over into the college years at an alarming rate.

Roughly one in five undergraduate students have been cyberbullied. Based on the research, most of the harassment takes place on Facebook and through text messages and e-mails. What’s more, many universities are ill equipped to address online bullying. In fact, researchers found that very few university policies specifically address online bullying.

But with the growing number of bullying and hazing incidents on college campuses, something must be done. What’s more, bullying of any type at the college level poses some unique challenges.

For many students, they are separated for the first time from family and friends. Therefore, they often do not have the support system they would have living at home. Additionally, in some cases the bully is not just some kid in their math class, but a dorm mate or worse yet, their roommate. As a result, there is no escaping the bullying.

These special circumstances need to be considered as colleges and universities adjust their policies to reflect the changing times. In the meantime, if you or someone you know is being bullied at college, you may find the following articles helpful:

For more information on bullying, visit Bullying on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and on Twitter.

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto

Being Different Shouldn’t Mean Being Bullied

Sherri Gordon — Thu, 27 Feb 2014 14:55:21 +0000

Earlier this month, 11-year-old Michael Morones attempted suicide. Thankfully, the attempt was not successful. But he still has a long recovery ahead of him.

Currently, Michael is in the pediatric intensive care unit in a North Carolina hospital with damage to his brain, his heart, and his lungs. There is a chance he could recover, but the extent is unknown at this time.

Like so many children before him, Michael’s peers at school were tormenting and bullying him. He was targeted because he was different – because he didn’t fit certain stereotypes.

One of the biggest reasons kids bullied Michael was because he considered himself a “Brony.” The term Brony refers to fanboys of My Little Pony (“bro ponies”), although girls can be Bronies too. He also was deeply religious and was passionate about the violin. In fact, he avidly followed Lindsey Stirling’s music career and was dedicated to practicing on his own violin.

Yet instead of appreciating Michael for who he is, his peers mocked him and called him names. This type of treatment often leaves kids like Michael feeling vulnerable, unaccepted and lonely.

Unfortunately, Michael’s experience with bullying is not uncommon. Bullies often target kids because there is something different about them. Whether it is their choice in music, television or clothes or something bigger like special needs, food-allergies, race or religion, bullies will use these differences to single them out. If your child, or a child you know, is being bullied or shamed for who they are check out 7 Ways to Help Kids Who Are Bullied for Being Different. You also might find these resources helpful: 8 Reasons Why Kids Bully Others, 5 Self-Advocacy Skills Kids Need When Bullied and 8 Ways Father-Son Relationships Can Prevent Bullying.

And for more information on bullying, visit Bullying on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and on Twitter.

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto

NJ Bill Makes Social Media a Required Course in Middle School

Sherri Gordon — Thu, 27 Feb 2014 12:01:57 +0000

In January, the New Jersey Senate passed a bill requiring sixth- through eighth-grade public school students to take a course on “the responsible use of social media.” And experts predict it will likely become law by the 2014-2015 school year.

The bill requires that students learn such things as the acceptable use of social media, cyber safety, cyber security and cyber ethics. They also will learn about the consequences of cyberbullying.

It is not surprising to see a law like this on the books especially because more recent cyberbullying incidents have been linked to youth suicides across the country. Additionally, there are a variety of laws across the nation addressing minors’ use of social media. So it seems logical that schools would be proactive and educate today’s teens aboutresponsible social media use.

But it won’t be easy. Both school administrators and parents are trying to keep up with the changing ways kids use technology to bully and harass others. From slut shaming, sexting and cyberbaiting to sexual bullyingand even self-bullying, kids are becoming increasingly creative in the ways in which they target and bully others online.

In fact, according to the Cyberbullying Research Center, about 20 % of youth will experience cyberbullying of some form in their lifetimes. Additionally, the most common types of cyberbullying reported are mean comments, name-calling, and rumors and gossip.

If your child or someone you know has been impacted by bullying or cyberbullying, you may find the following resources helpful:

For more information about bullying and cyberbullying, check out Bullying on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook andTwitter.

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto

Classic Bullying Prank Leads to Man’s Death

Sherri Gordon — Fri, 24 Jan 2014 01:57:43 +0000

Earlier this month, I read an article about a 33-year-old man who gave his stepfather an “atomic wedgie.” When I first saw the title, I had to read it again. I haven’t heard someone mention an atomic wedgie since junior high school.

An atomic wedgie is the epitome of physical bullying and involves yanking the underwear of a person out of the back of the pants and up over the person’s head. Mostly boys would attempt this feat often without much success.

Unfortunately, in this victim’s case the wedgie was so violent that it caused him to die! I didn’t even know it was possible to die from wedgie; and I am absolutely horrified that a man lost his life in this way. After all, the atomic wedgie has always been such a childish prank. I couldn’t believe that a grown man would be so upset that he would bully his stepfather in this way.

Although the news story doesn’t give much background on the perpetrator, I can’t help but wonder if this man was a bully when he was a child. After all, he engaged in a classic bullying behavior. And because the man he attacked was his stepfather, how must it make his mother feel?

Learning your child is bully, is usually disconcerting for most parents. But when you actually see the consequences of your child’s behavior, in this case death, it is a horrific situation to deal with. My heart goes out to this mother. She has lost her husband at the hands of her own son.

As parents, when it comes to bullying we all want to be more proactive than reactive. For this reason, it’s important to give our kids tools that help them avoid bullying others like impulse control, anger management and a sense of self-esteem. It’s also important to teach them the importance of being respectful and having empathy.

But if you find that your child is already a bully or a mean girl, then how do you handle that situation? The first course of action is to discipline your child for the bullying. You also need to work with and support the school’s disciplinary actions if the bullying occurred at school. And then you need to take steps to be sure the behavior does not repeat itself.

And most importantly, don’t lose heart or give up. Early intervention is the key to ending bullying behavior. With persistence and consistency, you can help your child learn not to bully others. For more information on bullying, visit my Bullying page on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and Twitter.

Parents Sue Students and Parents for Cyberbullying

Sherri Gordon — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 12:25:33 +0000

Recently, parents of a 16-year-old Texas girl announced that they are suing the kids that cyberbullied her. In fact, they are suing all seven of the cyberbullies for libel and suing their parents for negligence.

The couple’s daughter, who is a student at Klein High School, was also bullied face-to-face for over a year. But the situation came to a head when the teens started an Instagram page called “2014 Klein Hoes.” This page included pictures of the 16-year-old along with other girls in the school. As a result, the girl’s photo received vulgar comments and explicit sexual comments, which according to the parents left their daughter nearly hysterical.

While the parents say that the school administrators at Klein have been supportive of their daughter, they felt the school didn’t go far enough in addressing the cyberbullying issue. So they hired an attorney.

Their attorney was able to get the page taken down with the use of restraining orders. And now they preparing to file the lawsuits in order to stop the cyberbullying and raise public awareness. Their goal is to let kids know that cyberbullying and sexual bullying are not acceptable.

Although this type of lawsuit is rare when it comes to bullying issues, it could very well become the norm as cyberbullying cases increase around the world. Consequently, schools and parents should take proactive steps to prevent cyberbullying.

What’s more, proactive bullying prevention programs not only improve school climate but they also improve the lives of the students. In fact, research shows that schools with lower levels of bullying fair better academically than schools that struggle with widespread bullying. What’s more, being proactive about preventing kids from becoming cyberbullies also reduces the likelihood that the school and its parents will find themselves facing a similar lawsuit.

If you are interested in learning more about cyberbullying prevention, check out the following articles:

For additional bullying prevention resources visit my Bullying page on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto.

Moving Can Open Kids Up to Bullying

Sherri Gordon — Fri, 17 Jan 2014 22:20:53 +0000

Recently, my kids’ school district announced that it would be realigning the attendance boundaries. What this means for my family is that my youngest child, who will be entering middle school in the fall, could be uprooted and moved to a new school, separating him from all the friends he has developed in the last five years.

In fact, if the current proposal in front of the board is approved, none of his core friends will be moved with him. He will enter a new middle school with unfamiliar faces and no solid social connections.

As parents, this is heartbreaking to deal with, especially when the decision is out of our control. We didn’t make the decision to move. In fact, we have lived in the same house for more than 15 years! The decision is being made for us and our children must deal with the consequences of the decision.

Everyone knows that moving is not easy on kids. But it is especially true as they reach the middle school years. Middle school is a time in their young lives when there is so much changing in their bodies and in their social circles that the more stability you can provide for them the better. So for us, it’s frustrating that the stability we have worked so hard to maintain in his young life is being undermined by a move that is out of our control.

Research shows that moving creates a variety of disadvantages for the child who is forced to move – challenges that students who are not moved are not subjected to. For instance, one of the biggest consequences of moving is the loss of social capital. Social capital refers to relationships kids have developed in their current school community including friends and teachers.

This social capital allows them the opportunity to foster skills and capabilities that are beyond what classroom instruction can provide. For instance, social capital helps children develop friendships, build self-esteem and develop empathy. It also can foster assertiveness, nurture confidence and instill character.

But when a child is moved, the relocation robs them of their social capital because they are forced to break ties with teachers, students and other members of the school community. They basically have to start over. In the end, these losses in social capital can undermine a child’s education and occupational achievement. And because they lose much of what they may have already gained socially, much of the transition period may be spent trying to regain social capital. In some cases this is often done at the expense of learning and academic achievement.

What’s more, moving can open kids up to bullying. It’s no secret that bullies are opportunistic. And while there are a variety of reasons why kids bully others, many times bullies prey on those who appear vulnerable or lack social connections. And what easier target than the new kid?

If you are facing a move this coming year, you might want to start preparing your child now. You also should take steps to bully-proof your child before the move. This involves working on resilience, assertiveness andfriendship-making skills. Lastly, you should be sure your child knows how to stand up to bullying, what it means to defend himself and the difference between reporting and tattling.

For more resources on bullying prevention check out myBullying page on About.com. You also can connect with me on Facebook and onTwitter.